When we examine each of these attachment styles in the context of perceived failure, we can see how each style influences the language we use in the narratives we create for ourselves.
For example, researchers discovered that people who identify as anxious can quickly access memories of being hurt by others, causing hypervigilance toward possible rejection. This fear of rejection can easily become a fear of intimacy and healthy relationships, which is counterintuitive and can occur in real life.
It's important to consider how attachment styles manifest themselves in our behaviors because they can reveal a lot about how we connect with others and how much of our self-esteem is dependent on acceptance. When we are confident in who we are, we gain interpersonal power and more control over how we separate ourselves from our failures.
In normative samples, insecurely attached people account for approximately 65 percent of the population, while 35 percent are insecurely attached; however, in chronic pain patients, these percentages appear to be reversed.
The good news is that we can all develop a secure attachment style. It is not the complete absence of fear of rejection that is important, but rather the recognition of the fear and action in the face of it.
It's about accepting that failure is a necessary part of the process of achieving a goal, and accepting responsibility for our failures. The opinions of others, which can cause rejection anxiety, begin to fade in importance.
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