We all speak the language of touch, even if we aren't aware of it. In fact, only about 7% of communication is verbal, while up to 55% is delivered through nonverbal behavior (including tactile methods).
Regardless of intent, the simple act of touching elicits emotion. It can be innocent, like holding a loved one, or accidental, like a stranger accidentally bumping our arm on the subway, or deceptive, with malicious intent.
While there has been extensive research on verbal communication, nonverbal research on tactile communication is in its infancy. Current research indicates that compassion is communicated cross-culturally through touch, but research also shows that touch can be used for dominance, persuasion, and causing harm.
To make matters even more complicated, touch differs across cultures, with one gesture being appropriate and positive in one culture but disrespectful in another. As a result, it's critical to learn more about what happens when we touch each other to talk, especially at work.
I tend to be a toucher - it's my way of expressing compassion, empathy, support, etc. And I like that type of touch in return. In a previous relationship, I was with a person who never touched me, and in fact, would recoil if I touched him. That was awful, and after a few years of being with this person, I felt like a vacant shell of myself. The lack of touch took a complete toll on my mental health. So I know I am a person who thrives on physical touch. But I also know many people do not enjoy that type of casual contact. My 16yo daughter, for example, does not like to be touched. As her mom, I've learned to respect her boundaries and become mindful that, although my natural inclination is to be affectionate, especially with people I love, that is not comfortable for everyone. In general with affection, there is an appropriate time and place. I think cultivating an awareness of who people are and what they're comfortable with, is key to having successful relationships, both personal and professional.
Sometimes I don't read too much into it (as a receiver) especially when its someone from a different culture, unless I feel it is totally inappropriate that crosses the line of what clearly is harassment (fondling, groping). I mean that should encompass all cultures, unless I could be wrong (and I would be curious to know what cultures make this seem a good thing for acquaintances). I do respect cultural differences though so I would probably brush up a bit on some basic cultural knowledge if I am aware beforehand I would be meeting said person, especially when it comes to a business meeting.
It was interesting to read this article because I actually had a conversation with one of my cousins a couple weeks ago about how some people are just very open and think nothing of it to hug everybody. We both struggle with being very hands-on in relationships, so for example Iâm not the type to just hug everybody goodbye and some of my family members hug when they see each other and hug before they leave. When I get hugged it makes me feel like a straight log standing there while they hug me. So even with close family I really donât like it whenever itâs time for touching or hugging.
So I could only imagine how uncomfortable I would feel if it was a coworker who came around and tryed to sit close to me at my desk or try to give me a hug when they were leaving so I also think it also depends on not just a culture but the person. Some people are really hands-on and then other people with the same upbringing might just feel very uncomfortable so I think thatâs also something to consider to. Also for some people with special needs it could be a trigger if you were to touch them just a light touch or a hard touch could be a trigger for them so itâs something to consider as well.
Some people need a soft touch, others a firm handshake. The strength and duration of touch can affect how we're perceived as well as the level of comfort we feel in a given social situation. As with any language, there are rules when it comes to touching but not everyone speaks the same language so no one knows when they have violated those rules.
This is absolutely true!! A particular gesture may be appropriate and positive in one culture and disrespectful in another. I always try and respect that especially during today's time. Seems like we have even lost the simple handshake and it has been replaced with the fist bump. I remember back in my single days and having a first date and it was very obvious when there was a connection by just a simple touch on the leg or arm during a conversation. It is a very subtle way of showing that there is an interest.
Itâs true that touch is perceived very differently across cultures. In America, greeting another acquaintance from America with a kiss on the cheek or a hug could make the other person stiffen up. However, if the person is from say Spain, or France, itâs totally normal. It really does boil down to who youâre interacting with, and where. I have a lot of Spaniard friends, and itâs customary to greet with a kiss on the cheek, and a hug regardless of how close. With my American friends, I only do a hug/kiss if Iâm really close to them. In the workplace, touches on the shoulder, arm, legs etc can get really uncomfortable if itâs your superior doing the touching. This is an American point of view. I had a friend who worked in France however, and it was totally normal to give âla baseâ to coworkers or new acquaintances for greetings.
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